First Month Pictures!

Here are some pictures of the little guy!

Perfection!!

Our Emotional Journey

A good friend of ours, Jeremi, asked us if it would be okay to write Andrew a song, and then sing it at Baby Dedication.  Umm...yes, please.  That was one of the nicest gifts we could receive, to honor this little blessing.  He told me he would need to know some thoughts and, perhaps, a prayer.  I decided to share with the blog community, just what I wrote.  Hopefully this will bless someone.

            

           The last five years have been brutal, as Gary and I have waited for that “next step” in our journey as a family.  When we began trying to conceive in 2007, we were hopeful.  However, a year passed, and we started to become less hopeful.  When we went through the gamut of tests for infertility in July of 2008, trying to get questions as to why it wasn’t happening, we were given a very vague answer, not really telling us anything other than that we should be able to have children, and our best chance at any treatment would be to spend $15,000 on IVF.  So our hope went back up, but only slightly. 

            By December of that year, I remember sitting across the table at a Mexican restaurant and just laying it all out there.  If we want a child so badly, and the chances of in vitro are only 60%, then why don’t we go for 100% chance and apply for adoption.  There are millions of orphans out there waiting for families.  Because I had heard so many horror stories about domestic adoptions and the birth mother changing her mind at the very last minute, and not wanting to put ourselves through that emotional roller coaster, we decided to go international.  We prayed through finding an adoption agency and landed on one located out of Tennessee, Small World Adoptions.  They had a program out of Mongolia, and at the time there was no age limit (both parents having to be at least 30 years old), like so many other countries, China included.  I was 28, and Gary was 29 at the time we began the application process, so we figured we’d just go with the Asian country that would allow us to apply.  No sooner had we completed and sent in our dossier by November that year, did we hear from the agency telling us that Mongolia had shut things down temporarily and was not accepting any more applications until they could get their process ironed out a little.  All the while, Gary and I were just bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, first-time adopters.  We had no clue what kind of a wait we were in for. 

            By November of 2009, we decided to begin looking at different options.  A year had gone by, and nothing was happening in Mongolia.  Our agency let us know about a new program in Ethiopia that they were just getting started with, and that the children were adopted out fairly quickly through that program, according to their experience so far (we’re talking 2 days for a referral, once the application and dossier were received by the government in Ethiopia).  We figured that would be nice, and we began preparing ourselves to complete another dossier for a new application.  We got it completed and sent in by September of the next year, 2010. Despite news that things had drastically slowed down there, we were still somewhat hopeful that they would clear things up eventually, and that it would be soon that we would hear something. 

            The whole year of 2011 went by with nothing.  Both Gary and I began to find ways to busy ourselves, so that we would not have to think about things.  We figured, subconsciously, that if we didn’t think about it during the waiting time, it would be easier.  Friends would ask questions, and with a blank smile, both of us usually found something to say to encourage those inquiring, and to keep our chins up the whole time.  We really felt like we were the ones disappointing other people, by not having some news to tell them.  Both of us being people-pleasers, it was more a time of “put on a happy face” and let people know that we’re doing alright.  Our hope was definitely waning – and quite quickly. 

            In February of 2012, we decided to attend a conference in Dallas, called “Empowered to Connect.”  It was a phenomenal weekend-long conference held at IBC, and the Tapestry ministry out of that church was an amazing resource we had found, thanks to our friend Stephanie Cole whose family had begun the process of adopting a little boy out of Russia.  We learned so much about the development of children, how to connect and build attachment, and help with sensory processing disorders, etc.  There were also many things that we were not expecting to learn just about being parents, in general.  For example, we learned that so much from our own past will creep up and dictate how we react to certain things our child will do (well, duh, but the way it was presented really hit me to the core).  This spurred on some desire in myself to really dig through my past and find out what made me who I am today and what potential issues I will have in parenting, and how can I deal with them now in order to not pass these same issues on to my own child.  It was a very spiritual and emotional soul-searching couple of weeks to follow.  At this point, Gary and I felt like we had been given a breath of fresh air to help us continue in the journey to adopt.  Our “hope bank” was filled again, and we were able to continue walking forward.  We also went a couple of weeks later to another conference here in Houston, called “Together for Them.”  This was another amazing weekend, put in our lives to spur us onward in this process.  All the while, we were regaining hope that we would still be parents…someday. 

            This whole time, riding the emotional roller coaster our lives had become, I had started to fear that God had gone silent.  Yes, we would still pray fervently, and still were hanging on by threads of hope, but I was just waiting and longing to hear from God.  It was around the summer of 2012 that I began to truly lose hope, I buried myself in some negative emotions that I was carrying due to some things with my job situation, and allowed that to take over.  I became very burned out on everything that I was pouring my energies into and both Gary and I felt like our lives had been in a type of a “holding pattern.”  We were stuck.  In my own mind, I felt like I was in quicksand – being sucked down and completely unable to pull myself out.  However, I never lost sight of my Lord, and I always, truly, knew that He was carrying both Gary and me through this. 

I still feel like He’s carrying us, and I now have a physical example of how our Loving Father holds us and cradles us when we are so needy. 

            When we got the call on Saturday morning, we both immediately put up our guards – we had received news a few times before of babies possibly needing parents, but everything always fell by the wayside.  That morning, neither of us had anything regarding adoption or children anywhere on our radars.  I was wanting to run from the stress I had just finished up at school, and Gary was wanting to get away, to enjoy a week-long class of traveling with other students around to different northeastern states.  But our lives came to a screeching halt when we headed over to the hospital to be introduced … to our son.

            I still cry when I think back to the gamut of emotions that were going through my mind those first three days.  Caution (lots of caution), absolute love for this tiny human being, surrender, hope, faith, thankfulness, selflessness.  Gary and I had a conversation during the course of being in the hospital and waiting for the birth mother to contact our attorney about how, even with the possibility of us not taking this child home with us, we still felt that it was worth it all, the three days being there with him.  Without us, he was an orphan.  He had no one else.  In my own heart, I knew that, no matter what, us being there with him those first hours and days of his life was the most important thing at that moment.  I wanted so desperately to be able to call him mine – I was holding this tiny little baby in my arms – knowing that if not for me and Gary, this baby boy would not have anyone to love him as much as we could.  I wanted to pour so much of myself into him those first few days, just in case of the possibility of him not coming home with us, so I could be assured that I gave him everything I could when I had the chance.

            When I held “Baby Boy” in my arms that very first time – and really for the first few hours – I still felt like I was holding someone else’s child.  I think it was when the social worker told us that she would need a name from us, that it started to become less of a dream and more of a reality.  We told her his name would be “Andrew Jordan,” and that’s when he became ours. He was our dream come true.  The fog had been lifted, and the sun was shining again.  However we still weren’t in the clear all the way.  We still needed to take this baby home, to make it more real.

            When we arrived at home on that Monday evening, the house was in shambles – being overtaken by baby stuff.  And we couldn’t have felt more full.  Our cups were overflowing with gratefulness and comfort.  We felt so supported by the Body of Christ at that moment, and we knew that it was right.  Our little Andrew had come home.

            So many people had been praying for this moment.  I feel like, with the perfect timing of how everything has fallen into place, this is an answer to so many different prayers and questions that Gary and I have been praying and asking for so long.  Andrew is not just our own son, but he is the answer to so many peoples’ prayers.  God answered so many prayers with one single phone call. 

I can’t help but laugh – it just comes out through laughter – in my amazement at this whole story – and God’s overwhelming provision.  It feels just like a story that someone would tell about how everyone lived happily ever after.  This is our happily ever after. 

Lord, God,

We stand in awe of your perfection.

You are the Gracious Provider,

All-Loving Father,

Giver of Hope,

And the Comforter.

You shower us with Your grace and forgiveness,

And You discipline us with your unconditional love.

You set your Seal upon our hearts before we are ever conceived,

And you draw us into your Loving Arms from birth.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for loving us enough to step down from Your Throne

To a place of filth, sin and disgrace.

A world of imperfection.

But in these imperfections, your Beautiful Perfection is made clearly known.

Thank you for allowing your son and daughter to take this gift you have given us so perfectly.

Guide us as we raise our son, Andrew Jordan, in Your ways.

Grow him up to be

Wise,

Discerning,

Charitable,

Humble,

Gracious,

Strong and

Courageous.

Help us to discipline Him in Your ways, not our own,

And draw our eyes to always look upon Your Face.

Lord, give Andrew Your Grace and Love,

And help us to Love him unconditionally.

We pray for his future wife, that she will be a woman who fears You, Lord.

We ask that as we have embraced adoption, that Andrew would embrace it as well,

And see that it is the ultimate representation of Your Gospel.

Thank you for adopting us into Your Kingdom.

Thank you for allowing us, as Your children, to share in the inheritance you have so freely given.

We love you, Jesus.

In Your Most Holy Name we pray, Amen.

Andrew Jordan Luedecke

This story is a series of amazing events that I am more convinced than I ever have been that God’s hand is so powerful – AND that He listens when two or more gather in His name and earnestly come to him with supplication and humility.  I have labeled the events “By the grace of God” that we were specifically texting our family and close friends to-the-minute prayer requests of what specific concern needed prayer over that very minute.  There were literally dozens of people praying us through step by step.  Only a perfect God could have made it happen in this perfectly orchestrated way…

Saturday morning, March 9, 2013 started out like any other first day of spring break – snuggling, sleeping in, pancake breakfast, thinking through all the things I was going to be able to get done that I’m not normally able to do, working full time.  However, this particular Saturday, Gary had his bags packed to head out of town to complete a week-intensive course at Lincoln Christian Seminary in Illinois.  He was ready to leave town, but we decided to make one quick trip to Kohl’s to buy Gary a new pair of tennis shoes.  I knew I would miss him for the week, but I was (deep down) just a little excited to make a trip to San Antonio to visit my folks and spend some good R&R with my mom.

We pulled into the Kohl’s parking lot at about 11:15 that day, and as Gary was driving, he got a call from Robin, one of the Northside Life Group leaders and a phenomenal woman who heard the Lord’s voice loud and clear that morning.  She had received a phone call from a friend of theirs who had just found out that there was a woman on the other side of town in labor with a child that she did not want to keep.  Robin asked Gary if we would be interested, to which Gary – without hesitation – answered a very serious, “Yes, of course!”  I was already in tears.  Yes, I’m a huge cry-baby.  A few minutes later, she called back and told us that her friend would be calling us and that we needed to head over to the hospital NOW.  By this point, we had made our way into the shoe department, grabbed hands and hurried back out to the car and began the 45 minute race to the hospital.  Robin’s friend (who wished to remain anonymous) - we’ll call her “Elizabeth” – called us to make sure we were on our way and let us know that a social worker was there and was waiting to begin drawing up paperwork.  Seriously?!?!  Begin drawing up paperwork??  Is this really happening?!  Her next question was if we had a lawyer.  We said No, but we would try to by the time we got the hospital. 

Only by the grace of God #1 During that 45 minute drive to the hospital, we called everyone in both of our phone contact lists that had anything to do with adoption, foster care, lawyers, or those we knew were widely connected to another large group of people, etc.  We finally heard from Robin’s husband, Guy, who was a lawyer and happened to have worked with another attorney 20 years ago who he knew had switched over to the adoption scene.  He called us and let us know the attorney agreed to work with us, but that a couple of things had to happen in the next few moments, in order for things to be legit.  The most important thing was that the birth mother had to make contact with us to offer us the baby.  Our hearts sank almost immediately because the nurse who had been working with the birth mother since she came in was very doubtful that she would talk with us, much less meet us.  The birth mother had told the hospital staff that she did not want to know the gender of the child nor have anything to do with the adoptive parents.  The amazing social worker – we’ll call her Mary – was a little more hopeful than the nurse and said that she would do whatever she could to make the birth mother aware of the entire situation. 

They both left us in the waiting room, and we waited for a few minutes before they came back out.  They were accompanied by the doctor who came to introduce himself to us and told us that they had just administered the epidural and she was 9cm and just about to deliver.  He then let us know that it was a boy about to be delivered. 

At 12:55pm, our beautiful baby boy was born into this world.  The doctor came back out to congratulate us (another “WOAH!” moment…) and tell us that everything went very smoothly and that we would be able to go see the baby in a few minutes.  At that time, one of the nurses came and put an identification bracelet on my arm, granting me guardianship of the tiny soul until he was discharged from the hospital.  My heart was in my throat, and I could not believe what was happening.

Only by the grace of God #2 After the delivery, the “Mary,” the social worker, went in to talk with the birth mother and she came out a few minutes later to let us know that the birth mother had agreed to contact us.  What we didn’t realize until a little while later, was that she had agreed to actually meet us face to face. 

We were whisked into the nursery, and as soon as I stepped foot into that room and saw the little guy in the “warmer” at the far end of the room, I started shaking and really could not believe what was happening (this was only about two hours after we had initially received the first phone call from Robin…while we were at Kohl’s…looking for tennis shoes…).  The entire day the entire crew of nurses had huge smiles on their faces and tears of joy at the excitement of it all.  They were witnessing, just as we were, this amazing story unfolding.  The nurse pulled me over, calling me “Mama,” and asked if I was ready to start learning how to take care of him.  I answered, “Yes…?...” Still in disbelief.  We fed him a bottle of formula and then gave him a bath, trying to take pictures all the while, but still not believing that this was all happening.  One of the nurses went to get the hospital camera, so she could take pictures for us. 

We were at that time informed that the birth mother was ready for us to come and meet her.  I didn’t have the slightest clue what I would say to this woman who had carried and given birth to this baby that was getting closer and closer to filling that empty hole in my arms and heart.  Mary, the social worker, came to get us and brought us into the room.  I was quickly wiping the tears from my eyes to try to gain at least a little bit of composure to meet her.  When we walked into the room, she was eating some lunch and I went to shake her hand.  Gary and I were at a loss for words, but what I remember was that we told her, “Thank you for bringing this baby into the world and for carrying him for us,” we mentioned that I was a teacher and Gary was a pastor, and that we would raise the child with all the love in our hearts.  I also mentioned to her that this was the most perfect situation that we could have ever asked or hoped for.  And then we left.  She was extremely polite, quite laid back and gracious as well, with me and all my blubbering.  This whole time, I observed the fact that Gary was more taking the position of an “observer” so he could take it all in.  I could tell he was really in shock the whole first 24 hours.  I allowed my motherly instincts to take over and, come what may, I was going to take care of this baby until they pried him from my fingers (which never happened, by the way).

The amazing hospital staff told us that they would set us up in a room down the hallway, so we could just camp out with the baby until we took him home.  (They were all extremely confident that it was going to happen).  J  I loved that about them.  They treated us like royalty.  It was so fun to be surrounded by a great group of strong Christian women nurses who were just as amazed at the unfolding of events they were watching that day. 

Mary came into the room after a little while and let us know that she would have the birth mother sign the “Third Party Release” form for our attorney, Terry, to be given the baby upon discharge.  And then asked us what his name would be.  Hmmm…hadn’t quite gotten that far.  Gary and I have talked about baby names randomly throughout the years, but this was it.  We both liked the name Andrew.  I also liked the name Michael.  We were also given the name Jordan.  For some time, in my shock and confused brain, I kept calling him Michael Andrew, Andrew Michael and Michael Jordan…yep.  I had told a good friend of ours that his name would be Michael Jordan… Anyway, after all was said and done, by the end of that day, after repeating it over and over to myself aloud, it finally stuck: Andrew Jordan Luedecke. 

(Only by the grace of God #3 One side note: We were informed at a later time, that there aren’t ever Social Workers around or on duty on Saturdays.  “Mary” was just there for one reason or another, and Praise God that she was.  We were also told that had it been any other social worker who worked there during the week, that it would not have happened as it did.  Others would have not been as invested in trying to push things along in our favor.  Thank you, Jesus.)

Andrew was brought down to our room within a half hour of us settling in, and we were this much closer to heaven.  I spent the afternoon and evening holding him, until the nurses had to come and do his vitals, take him to do this test or that… I really was in heaven. 

The nurses came in at around 5, after Gary had left to run home to put together an overnight bag for us.  They let me know that the birth mother had decided to go ahead and leave the hospital and did we need to ask her anything more before she left.  Her leaving was a finality – good and bad.  Bad because although she had given us her phone number, there was no guarantee that she would follow through to sign any of the final paperwork for everything to go through after the 48 hour mark.  But good because he was that much closer to being ours.  We found out that she left the hospital that evening at 7:00pm.  Scary from that moment on.  Gary had received a phone call from our attorney letting him know that she still had not been able to talk with the birth mother, and was there any way to get her to call her from our phone.  That never happened, and the nail-biting began…

We spent the next 24 hours praying with every other breath that the birth mother would just respond and do what she had promised when we had originally met with her. 

That Sunday afternoon, we had set up a home study update.  We left Andrew with the nurses, went home, got showers and just got everything set up and ready for the social worker to come to our home for the home study.  Our amazing roommate, Stephanie, had done some nesting in the house – cleaning all the carpets, dusting, and just beautifying the house, making it ready for all the company coming that week. 

The home study went well, and we headed over to our friend Julie’s house to pick up the car seat that the group of amazing ladies at the church had gone together to purchase for us.  After we picked that up, we headed straight back to the hospital at around 6 that evening.  Got baby Andrew back into our arms and continued to wait to hear from the attorney, Terry. 

Only by the grace of God #4 At 7:00, Gary decided to call and ask Terry if it would be okay for us to reach out to the birth mother, by voicemail and/or texting, to plead with her to respond.  Gary called her and left a voice message, letting her know that it was as simple as signing a couple of documents, and that neither one of us wanted to get CPS involved because that would almost undeniably erase us from the picture completely and her life would be turned upside down.  I also formulated a text and sent it to her.  Gary left the room to go and gather his thoughts and emotions, and I waited in the room with Andrew.  Not 5 minutes later, I received the anticipated response from the birth mother via text message.  She had accidentally dropped her phone in water the night before and had just 10 minutes prior gotten another one.  She said she would call Terry at 8:00 in the morning.  We all breathed a collective sigh of relief and then began requesting prayer from our prayer warriors that she would, in fact, follow through with contacting Terry the next morning.

Only by the grace of God #5 The next morning, at 8:45am, we received a call from Terry telling us that she had just gotten off the phone with the birth mother and that they had agreed to meet at 1:00.  We had to conjure up two witnesses and find a notary to meet them at their meeting location at that time.  Done.  Later we found out that the birth mother had agreed to come up to the hospital to sign the surgical consent form for Andrew to have his circumcision before being discharged from the hospital that afternoon.  It was done before we got back from lunch and having a TB test done later that day.  When we got back to the hospital, our friends Stephen and Paige and Amber were all there ready to be our witnesses.  One small kink.  We got a phone call from Terry at around 1:00 asking where our notary and witnesses were, since she was there at the McDonalds with the birth mother… umm…what?!  We were assuming that they were going to meet at the hospital and we would just call the hospital notary to come and notarize the documents…

Only by the grace of God #6 Our church secretary and friend – and NOTARY - Frances hopped in the car with our other friend Christy to race over to our side of town to meet Terry and the birth mother and our two friends Paige and Amber, the witnesses.  By 2:20, the documents had been signed, the birth mother’s parental rights had been signed away, and Andrew was one step closer to being ours.

The case manager had come in and very adamantly made us aware that we would need to be out of the hospital by 4:00 that afternoon and no later.  (NO ARGUMENT HERE!!!).  We worked quickly with Terry to go through the 2-inch stack of papers to sign, to fulfill our end of the agreement.

At 3:45, we loaded up the wheelchair, walked out of the room and all the way out of the hospital with our son, Andrew Jordan Luedecke.  Terry stayed with us for a few minutes, to make sure we were aware of other things that needed to happen soon, and then we said goodbye.  We were finally on our way home.  With our son.  Two and a half days ago, life was normal.  Our lives will never again be the same, and we couldn’t be more thrilled.

I wanted to take another minute and mention a couple of other things that are integral parts of the story, just so I have a record of them and can shine a light on just a few more amazing facets to this story.

Many people are aware that Gary and I have been in the adoption process for just over 4 years.  We started trying to conceive a child beginning in the summer of 2007, went through fertility testing in the summer of 2008, and finally decided to live out the gospel by applying to adopt from Mongolia.  We applied beginning in February, and found out in November that the country had put an indefinite hold on all incoming applications.  A year later, nothing having happened with Mongolia, we inquired with our agency what other options there were.  He told us that Ethiopia had been having great success, and we could have a child within 6 months!  We waited until June, after school was out and we could put more energies into putting together another dossier for Ethiopia.  Right around the same time we sent in our dossier, we found out that Ethiopia had just taken steps to really slow down their adoption process, in order make sure each child being adopted was truly and completely adoptable and not a victim of child trafficking.  We were very supportive of this, and decided to continue on.  In January of this year, we received word that Ethiopia had put an indefinite hold on renewing the licenses of all of the adoption agencies working in their country.  Talk about another complete devastation.  

All the while, I had been having some major health concerns, and ended up finding a doctor who was excited about helping us conceive a child.  So…being deflated with Ethiopia (and still Mongolia)…we were then being inflated again with renewed hope of being able to conceive a child.  Gary and I were on an emotional roller coaster, and had really and truly hit rock-bottom.  But what we didn’t know was just exactly what God had up his sleeve.

A couple of notable events that happened, that just so happened to coincide with each other, that make this story even more amazing:

All at the end of January:

1. We were informed that Ethiopia had put the hold on all re-issuing of agency licenses – total and complete deflation for Gary and me.

2. I had a minor surgery to help the possibilities of Gary and me conceiving a child – renewal of hope of Gary and me having a child.

3. Our friend “Elizabeth” mentioned early on in the story was prompted by the Lord to write us a letter to let us know that for some reason, God had laid it on her heart so heavily that she was to help us get a baby.  Whether through surrogacy, or through her line of work.  This was in January.  We didn’t receive the letter until this weekend played out, and she gave us the letter that she had written to us, but never got the courage to give to us.

4. I had a dream – a very vivid one – that I had a baby boy.  I woke up while I was changing his poopy diaper, but it was SO real and SO vivid.  I did not want to wake up because I was so happy in the dream, caring for a baby that was my own.

5. We found out this weekend that the birth mother had not realized that she was pregnant until a little over a month prior to giving birth…at the end of January.

We have been blessed with an amazing family, church family and group of wonderful friends who have wrapped their loving arms around us, and truly lived as one in the Body of Christ.  They have prayed us through this (from the very beginning, when we first started trying to conceive, through both failed adoption applications, and now through this whirlwind of a weekend receiving our first son).  As soon as they found out about us even possibly bringing home a son, our church friends and family members joined forces to pull together a mountain of baby items necessary.  They also graciously threw us a baby shower one week after finding out about Baby Andrew.  We have NEVER in our entire lives, felt so loved and supported than we have through this entire process, but especially this past week.  Our God is so amazing.

Now, if this is not the hand of God working all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, I really don’t know what is.  As with all things that we are able to give testimony to of His great and almighty sovereignty, we can look back and see just how perfect His timing truly is.  He is a good God.  The Almighty Counselor, Prince of Peace and Lord of lords.

Praise You, Jesus, for Your great and mighty power.  Thank you, Lord for allowing us to have a testimony of your Great Love and provision for your children.  You are amazing.

With Love,

Gary, Krissy and Andrew Luedecke